Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Love and Narcissism according to Derrida
As I watched the documentary on Derrida I found myself being very interested on his thoughts about love and narcissism. In particular, I found it most amusing when he said that love is narcissistic. When the interviewer first asked Derrida about his thoughts on love, he replied by saying that it is impossible to describe love. Love is a very abstract thing. Derrida posed a question: Do I love someone because of who they are or what they are? To love someone because of who they are as a person, is to love the singularity that makes that person unique. To love someone because of what they are is to love the qualities that they possess, but not necessarily the person as a whole. As a result, there is a division between the who and what. Most relationships end, because we no longer like the qualities that a certain person possesses. But then what is so narcissistic about love? I am going to give my own interpretation of Derrida's assumption that love is narcissistic. Most times when people fall in love, they initially fall in love with someone, because of the image they represent or the qualities they possess. Therefore, the person is falling in love with the what, instead of the who. Narcissism is when someone is completely self-centered, and does not bother to focus on others. A narcissist will often use others to merely fulfill their own selfish needs and desires. When we fall in love with what a person is (the qualities they possess) we are using the qualities that they have to serve ourselves, so that they simply become beneficial to us in a selfish manner. Therefore, it may be said that love is a very self-centered thing to have in one's life. In the particular example about Narcissus and Echo, Narcissus only sees himself in the water and falls in love with his own reflection. Derrida asks--how can a person so blinded love? I think this was a very good example of love's narcissism, because it emphasized the fact that in the face of love one always returns to the self and what the self needs. Even though the Hollywood image of love is made to seem very selfless and enduring, I think that in matters of love, the priorities of the self always come before anyone else.
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The thoughts that you and Derrida share about falling in love with the "what" for the selfish need to fulfill one's own needs are very interesting. I would like to believe in the "Hollywood" love, but I cannot say that it exists either. I also feel as if the concept of love has changed over time, because it seems as though the thought of "true love" and "love at first sight" (very romantic and cheesy ideas, for sure,) has diminished with the past few decades. The "love" that our grandparents shared seem a lot different (and perhaps more "who"-centered) than the love we find today.
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